Not long enough
by TeamJanny
Summary: After receiving some devastating news, Jac realises that in the short time she has left, she needs to put things right. But once she's said all of her goodbyes, she asks her colleagues for help. Will they step up in her hour of need or will she have to face things alone? Set two years in the future. Janny, Jac&Joe, Jacha and so on... Please R&R Chapter 8: Jac and Joseph
1. Chapter 1: Nothing to be done

**Author's note: This is a short chapter to start with, I'm going to try and update everyday because I've written up to chapter 8 and I just need to type it up on my laptop. I have very little medical knowledge so most of this is probably wrong so please don't criticise me too much for it ;) All you Janny lovers, there is Janny to come and same with Jac&Joe... Please review, it means A LOT and I desperately want to know what people think! Thanks for reading x**

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Chapter 1. Nothing you can do

"I'm sorry Mrs Maconie but the tests confirm that you do have a brain tumour." The doctor told me, a well practised look of pity on his face as he waited for the news to sink in.

"But you can do something?" I asked, my eyes staring into his.

"Given the size and position of the tumour, operating isn't an option I'm afraid but I would like to start you on a course of Immunotherapy." He explained.

"There's no way I'm having Immunotherapy! I'm a doctor, I know exactly how much strain it puts patients through. And don't even bother trying to persuade me otherwise, this my choice." I said, my stubbornness getting the better of me. "How long have I got?"

"A month, two at the most/ You should at least consider Immunotherapy as an option." He suggested, earning himself a well deserved glare in response. "Sorry. Would you like me to contact your husband? A family member?" But I just shook my head, telling Jonny wouldn't be easy, I knew that but telling him now would just be too hard and wasn't a thing I was prepared to just then.

"I suggest that you tell your family and friends as soon as possible to allow yourself to do what you want to do. I'll pescribe you something for the pain but other than that there's really not much else I can do. I'm aware that you've already begun to experience slight memory loss and that will begin to progress over time. You may also find it easier to use a walking aid as your symptoms worsen. I'll book you in for an appointment next week so that we can discuss your future care but its always best if you bring along a family member or a friend for support."

"Are we done?" I asked, catching a glimpse of my reflection in his vase and seeing how pail and wide eyed I'd gone.

I left the doctors office as quickly as was humanly possible, the thoughts that kept circling my mind gave me an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach . Despite how hard I tried to block out one specific, it came flooding back. Again. Again. Again.

_I was dying. And there was nothing I could do about it..._


	2. Chapter 2: Naylor and Levy

**Thanks for the reviews, here's chapter 2, hope you enjoy! Please R&R x**

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Once I'd left the doctors office, I walked straight towards AAU in search of Sacha, my hands shaking madly. When I reached the Acute admissions ward, I used my tattered pass to enter through the front entrance and into the office that Michael and Sacha shared. I knocked on the door, breathing in as I did so. Seconds later, the door swung open and I was greeted by Sacha, his arms open for a hug.

Ignoring his offer, I pushed passed him, locking the door and pulling down the curtains so that nobody could see into the office. Once I was completely satisfied that we had some privacy, I stepped into Sacha's embrace and wrapped my arms around the bear-like man's neck, crying like I'd never done before.

"Hey, what's the matter? Has something happened?" He asked as he held me close to him.

"I've g-got a brain tumour." I told him through sobs, I hated people seeing me upset but I knew that Sacha had seen me at my worst and he wouldn't judge me. "There's nothing they can do."

I heard Sacha gasp as his grip tightened around me, his tears falling onto the top of my head. We stood there for a while, not talking to one another.

Once we'd both begun to calm down, Sacha sat me down in Michael's chair, sitting himself opposite me.

"I'm sorry, is there anything I can do to help?" Held asked me as he held my hands in his own. I shook my head in response. "How long have they given you?"

"A month, two if I'm lucky. I'm sorry, it just came as a bit of a shock and I-"

"You didn't know if you could deal with it on your own. Its fine, you shouldn't have to." He told me sympathetically, tears running down his cheeks.

"When the doctor told me, I realised that there are so many things to do before it's too later and the first thing that sprang to mind was to tell you something. I said, my voice becoming stronger and more confident with every word. When I saw the look of confusion on his face, I continued. "You don't know how much people mean to you until it's too late and in a way I suppose it is. I guess I've only just come to the realisation that besides Jonny, you're probably the only friend I have. Since I met you, you've always shown me kindness and friendship even when I haven't deserved it. And you're one of the only people who've ever wanted to actually know who I am and has actually cared enough to try and do so. But every time you tried, I pushed you away like so many others. But unlike them, you stuck by me and haven't judged me. And I should have seen that. Sacha, I'm sorry!" I said as I broke down in tears.

"Hey, don't be sorry, you're an amazing friend, you're funny, clever and always tell me wrong and above all you have the most complex personality of anyone I've ever met! And I never told you this but remember at my wedding, when Chrissie made her speech? Well she said that she saw me through someone else's minds, that a 'mutual friend' of ours had said that of all the people she'd ever met, I deserved to be happy. And that stuck with me, it did take me a long time to work out who she meant but after thinking about the other things she'd said, I realised. You were there for us when I was stabbed, you were the one who drove me to the airport on the back of your back in Christmas Eve, you were the one who convinced me to go for it with Chrissie. And you know what, of all the people I've ever met, you deserve to be happy!" He said hugging me again.

"Sacha, can you tell Elliott that I'm ill and that I've gone home, I don't think I can finish my shirt." I asked him, not knowing how to reply.

"Will Jonny be at home tonight?" He enquired.

"He's on call, won't be home until 11am."

"Right, you're not going home on your own tonight Jac. Shall I go to yours or do you want to come to mine?"

I looked at him wearily, at this present time I felt like all my fight had been dragged from me so I gave in a gave a simple "mine" before arranging to meet him outside the hospital once I'd got my things from Darwin.

"Remember Jac, we'll always be Levy and Naylor!"

"Naylor and Levy" I corrected him before closing the door behind me…

**Thanks for reading :) x**


	3. Chapter 3: Regrets

**Thank you for all the reviews. This chapters a bit longer :) If anyone wants to give me any advice, its always welcome! x**

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Chapter 3. Regrets

I awoke the next morning, my head pounding, and memories of the night before, a haze in the distance. I'd have to get used to having no memory soon. Or would I?

I climbed out of bed, realising that I was still wearing the same clothes as the night before. I wrapped a dressing gown around my body, the soft material gave me a strange comfort. Whilst walking down the stairs, I heard the sound of the kettle boiling and the radio playing quietly. Immediately thinking the worst, I closed my eyes and tried to think back to the night before. But before I could think, the kitchen door opened and Sacha appeared.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I slept on your sofa last night, remember?" He reminded me, walking back into the kitchen to make us both a coffee.

"Umm, no. Where's Jonny?" I said, rubbing my forehead in pain.

"He was working. How you feeling?" He asked.

"My head is killing me." I said, quietly adding "Quite literally."

"I've got to go to work so I'm gonna drop back to mine and grab some clothes before work. You take care of yourself and call me if you need me. Ok?" He said, downing the last of his drink and grabbing his car keys.

"Fine. Now go!" I replied, ushering him out of the house.

An hour later and I was sat on the sofa watching my collection of old videos. I'd just finished watching the one that Jonny had made at Christmas the year before, Sacha and Mo singing loudly as they ate mince pies. After rummaging through the cupboard, I found the wedding video that Michael had made for us. It was still in its wrapping as it had never been watched by myself or Jonny before.  
_  
It started with the camera shaking and then zooming in to focus on myself and Jonny who were stood in the middle of a large crowd of people as we had our first dance. I watched myself kiss him before the music started and we began to dance. As I watched the two of us on the screen, I began to cry whilst mouthing the words of Mountains by Emeli Sande which, after two months of disagreeing over, had been the song we chose for our first dance. _

_Then suddenly our dance disappeared from the screen and instead Jonny appeared._

"_Jac, this is from our family at the hospital!" He said before the screen changed again._

_Michael, Sacha, Mo, Oliver, Tara, Chantelle, Elliott, Serena, Ric, Malick and Chrissie appeared holding a banner that said 'Mr & Mrs Macionie!' whilst shouting congratulations. Then, the camera flicked through messages from their friends._

_**Mo**__ "Mr and Mrs Maconie, obviously I have to say congratulations but also good luck with married life. You two are a match made in heaven so don't mess this up! Anyways, congrats! Love you guys!"_

_**Sacha **__"Congratulations you guys, I can't believe you're married, I'm so pleased for you both. So Jonny, make sure you look after her or you'll have me to deal with and Jac, don't let this one get away! He's perfect for you!"_

_**Elliott **__"Are they the Naylors or the Maconie's? What? The camera's on? Oh, right um, yes, Jac, Jonny, congratulations on your wedding, I am so pleased for you both. Mr Maconie, I hope you take care of this one, she's very special."_

_**Malick**__ "Mr and Mrs Maconie, congrats on the whole marriage thing! Jonny, try to keep her tame! For all our sakes!"_

_**Michael**__ "Congratulations, Jac, Jonny! You both deserve to be happy with one another! Jonny, still don't know how you managed to get Jac to tie the knot! Must be true love!"_

_**Ric**__ "I must say, I'm slightly surprised that you two are getting married, never thought that either of you were the type. Seems I was wrong. So, good luck you two. Try not to end up like me and the other four Mrs Griffin's!"_

_**Serena**__ "Congratulations to you both, I hope you enjoy married life together. Now can I get back to work?"_

_**Chantelle **__"CONGRATULATIONS! I can't believe it! I bet you're looking forward to being married so much! What? They're already married? But I didn't get invited! Sorry, congrats on your wedding!"_

_**Oliver**__ "Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Mac, good luck with being married! I'm glad that the two of you are finally settling down together!"_

_**Tara**__ "Umm, congratulations."_

_**Chrissie** "Congratulations you two! Still can't believe it Mrs Jac Maconie!"_

_**Jonny** "Jac, I love you so much and I can't wait to enjoy the rest of my life by your side. I really do love you!"_

By the end of the video I was curled up on the sofa crying my heart out. He wouldn't even get to spend half of his life with me. Two years and then his wife dies of Cancer. How is that fair?

A younger version of myself running after Joseph in the snow, giggling as she slipped on a bit of ice. Joseph lifting me to my feet, kissing my cheek, I grinned to myself as I watched myself walk over to the pushchair close by and lift out a little baby. Baby Harry. I watched as Joseph ran towards me and kissed me gently, stroking his sons face and smiling at his family. I again grinned to myself as I heard me telling him that I loved him, knowing how much I did.

Before I was able to watch Joseph's reaction, my phone went, so I paused the video before answering it.

"Jac N-Maconie." I answered, old habits still present.

"Mrs Maconie, this is Mr Hanssen. Could you please come to the hospital and meet me in my office in an hour please. I realise that this is your day off but this is of the upmost importance." Hanssen said in his usual monotone style.

"Of course, I'll be there as soon as possible. I replied hanging up.

And an hour later I was stood outside his office as promised, my fist hovering in front of the door. I took in a deep breath before knocking.

"Come in." I heard and did as I was told. "Mrs N-Maconie, please take a seat, I've been talking to Dr Saunders, he told me about your appointment yesterday."

My eyes widened as I realised why I'd been called to his office. He knew.

"I'm sorry that the outcome wasn't good. I would like to allow you to work tomorrow and say goodbye to your colleagues, make ammends, settle differences. Obviously you can't operate but I'm sure your pressence on the ward wouldn't go unnoticed. Miss Effanga will be stepping into your place until we can find a permanent placement." He told me.

"Who says she'll need to? I'm perfectly fine to operate. My memory is fine and I'm not in any pain." I replied sternly.

"That's not strictly true though is it? Jac, if your memory is so good then what day of the week is it? What was the last operation you performed?" He asked, matching my tone.

I rubbed my forehead as I tried to think but I couldn't, my memory was a huge haze.

"See what I mean? Mrs Maconie, do you even realise the seriousness of your condition? You don't have much time and you want to spend that time at work." He said, he knew I was a workaholic but this was going too far.

"You don't understand! I have nothing else! Other than Jonny, I don't have a family to spend the time with, I don't have the friends to visit, I don't have goodbyes to say." I explained.

"You've wasted so much of your life working. Do you not see how unhappy its made you? You let Mr Byrne walk away because you couldn't leave this hospital, you let your mother ruin your life for a second time because you're a surgeon and saving people is all you know, you have spoilt so many relationships and poisoned so many friendships to further your career! Was it worth it?" He asked me.

"No." I said honestly. "But there's no way to put it right."

"You may not be able to put it right but you can always try. Talk to the people who you care about. Don't go through this alone." He advised me. "Nurse Maconie love you but he would never forgive you if you didn't tell him."

"I can't!"

"You have to!"

I nodded before saying, "Thank you, I'll do a shift now if thats alright."

"No surgery." He warned, allowing me to leave.

"Thank you." I smiled at him genuinely.

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**Thanks for reading, please review! x**


	4. Chapter 4: Don't lose Hope

**Thanks to Jazz, BeckyAdams, LoveJacNaylor, Taylor, SaintJacTheGingerNinja, Hi-World and the guest who didn't leave a name for your lovely reviews, they really keep me writing :) I hope you enjoy this chapter, a bit of Janny at the beginning and some Joliver in the next chapter ;) Please continue to send in your reviews :) x**

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Chapter 4: Don't loose hope

The phone rang three times before I answered it, calming myself before I spoke. "Jonny, is everything okay?" I asked.

"Where are you? Its supposed to be your day off!" He said, slightly annoyed.

"Hanssen called, they needed more help on the ward." I lied, not wanting to face Jonny at home just yet.

"Does that mean that you're going to be working until your shift this evening?"

"Sorry, but I'll see you later, maybe we can get a coffee together on our break. We're both on call tonight so we'll spend time together then, okay?" I said nervously.

"Okay. I'll see you later. I love you." He told me sweetly.

"I love you too, I've got to go, I'm needed." Another lie I didn't need to tell.

"Alright then love, bye." He replied, believing me completely.

"Oh and could you bring me in a muffin on your way in?"

"Of course." And then I hung up.

I walked into the office and fell into my chair, my eyes red, my cheeks tearstained and my face pale and lifeless. Staring at the floor, I didn't notice Elliott watching me.

"Jac, what's happened?" He asked me, making me jump, eying a tear dropping onto my desk.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I lied.

"Jac?"

"I don't have time for this. I don't have much time at all. I need to take the rest of the day off." I told him slowly, still staring intently at the floor.

"Look at me." He whispered, walking towards me. "Jac?" He pushed my chin up with his hand and stared into my stinging eyes.

"I-It's over Elliott." I said, my words barely audible.

"What's over? Jac you're not making sense!" He said, confused as to what I was referring to.

"I've got terminal cancer." I told him, looking back down at the ground.

Elliott didn't reply, instead he just stared at me, trying to figure out what was going through my head.

_Like so many others, he'd tried to get to know her, to her understand her but the closed off surgeon would never let anyone close enough to figure her out. She had too much to loose, her reputation being the most obvious thing. What nobody knows is that beneath the hard extior of Jac Naylor a little girl is hiding, terrified of being hurt once more. She knew that staying in her ice cold shell would keep her safe from the world. But it also makes her lonely and issolated, no friends, no family, nobody to love her._

"Elliott." I said, breaking the awkward silence.

"When did you find out?" He asked, tears filling his eyes.

"Today, they've given me a month, two at most. They want to admit me to the Cancer ward, let me die drugged up to the eye balls. I've already decided that that'a not going to happen, I'd rather die with a little bit of dignity and more importantly, on my own terms."

"You don't mean..." He trailed off, his eyes widenning at the thought. "Jac, don't ask me to..."

"Look, I've seen patients die from cancer so many times here and its not pleasant. There is no way I'm going through that on my own. Anyway, I thought you'd understand. Gina was dying, slow and undignified so you helped her, you let her, why can't you help me?" I begged, becoming more helpless by the second.

"Yes, but" He began, no idea how to continue.

"But what? I have no family to miss me or many friends to say goodbye to. Jonny would rather that I died now than when I was in pain, no clue as to what is going on or when I'm a vegetable. I have no partner, no children, no animals. I have a will that I wrote after my bike accident. I leave all my money Jonny, I have a letter for Joseph and a note for my mum." I told him, my frustration evident.

"Fine, but what do you expect us to do for your funeral?" He asked, praying that the thought of this would make me think twice.

"Whatever you want, I just don't want a load of 'professional mourners' or anybody dancing on my grave. Tell everyone that if they get over emotional, I will haunt them!"

"This in't funny." Was the blunt reply that followed.

"I'm being serious."

"Anyway, you could have weeks before things get that bad. Would you like me to inform the staff?" He asked.

"No, I just want to end it now. I can't work now so what point is there sticking around?"

"Jac, you do realise that once its over, its over. There's no turning back! You need to sit down and think about this, you're being rash. Have you not thought about Jonny? This would kill him." He told me.

"He doesn't know." I mumbled.

"Jac, you're married to the bloke, did you not think that it would be a good idea to tell him?"

"I always knew you'd let me down like this. Don't bother. I'll see you in hell!" And with that, I grabbed my bag and stormed out of the office with no intention to ever return.

But would I?

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**Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed :)**


	5. Chapter 5: Farewell Valentine

**I know I've just uploaded a chapter but this is to make up for me maybe not updating tomorrow. Its quite short so I apoligise but I hope you do enjoy it and I hope that this is good enough for all the Joliver shippers! :) x**

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Chapter 5: Farewell Valentine

Sat at the Nurses station on Darwin was Oliver. With Tara on her day off, Mo and Elliott in theatre and Jonny at home, he was becoming increasingly bored by the second. There'd been no new admissions, all electives were going to plan and the day had been dragging on.

After thinking back to the recent behaviour of his colleagues, Oliver decided to check up on Jonny's recent medical history. Nothing, last time he'd been in hospital he was in his 20s and had gotten into a drunken fight, landing him in the ED.

Realising how much he enjoyed being nosy, Oliver began to dig up Mo's medical past. She'd given birth last year, she'd broken her arm aged 9 and she'd had her Appendix removed age 16.

After reading about Elliott's Angina, Oliver proceeded onto my history. He read through the most recent notes in absolute shock. Once he'd done, he ran to the office where he found me. I was asleep.

"Jac? Jac are you alright?" He whispered, touching my arm gently.

I opened her eyes slowly, moaning as the brightness of the room nearly blinded me. As my eyes adjusted to my surroundings I saw the figure of a man standing over me. _Jonny?_ I thought, hoping it was him. But I was hugely disappointed when I realised that it was Oliver.

"Sorry, I was just umm..." I mumbled.

"Sleeping?" He joked. "Jac, are you alright? You do realise that you shouldn't even be here right."

"What?" I asked sternly, his comment waking me up completely.

"I know." He said, hoping that I'd stop being difficult.

"How do you know?" I replied quickly, my voice shaking slightly and my eyes glaring at him.

"It doesn't matter, I'm so sorry. How are you feeling?" I asked, putting his hand on mine.

"Brilliant!"

"Jac, you shouldn't be working. When did you find out? Does Elliott know?"

"Yesterday and yes, Elliott and Hanssen are both aware. Today's my last day." I explained.

"But we'll still come visit you and say goodbye properly when the time comes." He said.

"Look, Oliver. I'm going to go away after this and I'm not coming back so when I say this is my last day I mean it." I told him nervously.

"But, I don't want to say goodbye, you were one of the first people I met when I came to the hospital and you're one of the reasons why I'm such a good doctor. For so many years I've always thought that after everything, you and I would end up together. But-" Tears running down both of our cheeks. "I always loved you Jac!"

"Do you not think I love you too? But we can't. I'm dying and I love my husband more than anything." I whisperred before pulling his head towards me and kissing him softly on the lips. I hadn't kissed him in so long, it felt strange yet right. I did love him, maybe not as much as I loved Jonny but I did love her and nothing could change that. Both of us knew that this was probably going to be the last chance we'd get to do this so we made the most of our final kiss. As we pulled away from one another, I whispered "Farewell Valentine."

And with that I wiped away my tears and continued to put things right.


	6. Chapter 6: Doing it for the girls

**I am really really sorry that I haven't updated this story, I will update again soon and that's a promise! Thanks for all the lovely reviews, please continue to do so! Sorry that its only short, but I thought these two needed to have words! If anyone has any thoughts of who Jac needs to say goodbye to, please let me know! Enjoy!**

**Sophie x**

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I left Darwin and made my way up to Keller. I didn't exactly have many friends on Keller, they were either equantances or enemies. Myself and Ric despised one another. I thought Chantelle to be the most annoying and ridiculously happy person I'd ever met. Malick was probably the one who I got on with the best, with our occasional banter and similar ambitious attitude.

And Serena, now she was someone who I did not trust. When I went to Sweden she proved that she was less human than I was myself and her dreadful treatment of Hanssen gave me good reason to betray Serena and side with the swede. But when the two of us had first met, Serena's words had been 'Us girls must stick together!" And recently Serena had shown how much she really meant that. She had stopped Imelda from suspending me and before I had gone to Sweden, the deal was that I could have anything I wanted, including the role as deputy Director of Surgery. So obviously I had a very mixed opinion of whom I was about to go and see.

I knocked on Serena and Ric's office door and waited to be let in. When I finally heard Serena call for me to come in, I did so, my head held high.

"Mrs Maconie, do take a seat. I wasn't expecting to see you today." She stated curiously. "So, what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I'm gonna skip the introductions and get straight to it. I'm not going to be here for much longer, so before I go, I need to be sure that I have someone who will keep the men in line. So, I guess you need to know a few things. Ric, he's all about apologies, believe me, I once ate about 3000mg worth of Homeopathic medicine to prove a point and all I did was say sorry and he forgot about it. And Michael, well he's all about the patients, not the money so try to be seen to be doing the right thing by them." I advised, thinking back to my days on Keller.  
"So you're saying that all I have to do is at least be seen to play by the rules." She replied.  
"Michael's cocky on the outside, but inside he's very different, he will stick up for you when you're right and will never kick a man when he's down. Don't take advantage of him though, he may be forgiving but he's not a fool." I warned, knowing that Serena's mind worked similar to my own.  
"Fine." She said, like a teenager with too much attitude.  
"And Elliott, he is one of the nicest, most generous most brilliant surgeons I've ever known so if you mess him about I swear to god you will suffer! I may not be able to do it myself but I'm about to make a call to an old friend of mine, Connie Beauchamp, I'm are you'll have heard of her." I whispered slyly, grinning internally as Serena gulped. "Well, if you haven't then I'll just say one thing. She's twice as evil as me and if she wanted to she would ruin your reputation so much that you'd be lucky to be working in an STD clinic in Norway. Anyway, remember what I said. Keep 'em in line would you." I said, turning to leave.

"Jac, before you go, can I ask why you're leaving?" Said Serena nervously.

"I'm not leaving, I'm dying."

And with that, I left.

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**Thanks for reading, please review :) 3**


	7. Chapter 7: Bye bye Beauchamp

I stood in the Darwin staffroom flicking through her phone contacts, my hands shaking slightly. When I reached the number I was looking for I dialed it an held my phone to my ear.

"Connie Beauchamp." Said a familiar voice.

"Connie its Jac. Jac Naylor."

"Jac? Enjoying your new job?" She asked.

"Its not exactly new but of course I am. Hanssen's been sending me all over the world on courses recently. America, Sweden, Japan, Hamburg, Thailand!"

"Never thought that being a doctor would involve travelling did you?" Connie laughed unaware of what was going on.

"How's Grace? Enjoying time with her grandfather." I asked politely, remembering the young child.

"He died." Connie replied bluntly. "Cancer became to much for him and- Its sort of a relief if I'm honest, he didn't remember who I was most of the time, the same with Grace."

"I'm sorry; at least it means that you can spend more time with Grace." I said, encouraging Connie to think positively despite the fact that that was the opposite of what I was doing myself.

"She's spending time with her daddy at the moment, Sam's back from America. For good!" I could sense Connie's smile from down the phone.

"I'm so pleased for you, things are getting better then? Don't let him get away this time!"

"How about you? Hows your em-?" She enquired, forgetting whether we'd gotten married or not.

"Husband. Come on Connie, I got married six months ago, you were a bridesmaid!" I replied, thinking back to the best day of my life. "Things are going well, although I'm still struggling with all the registrars and nurses calling me 'Mrs Mac'!"

"Its better than people calling you 'The Champ' believe me, but you do sound happy, really happy!"

"Connie, I need to um-" I mumbled.

"What is it Jac? Is everything okay?" Asked Connie concernedly.

"I'm not doing great actually. I've um... I've g-got a brain t-tumour. Its malignant and there's nothing they can do so..." I explained, trying not to sound as defeated as I felt.

"I'm so sorry, it's been so long since we've spoken, I had no idea. How long have you got?" She asked.

"Not long, but I'm coming to terms with it. But Connie, there's something I needed to ask."

"Anything." Replied Connie.

"I'm not going to wait around for it to kill me. I want to die with dignity. So I need you to promise me that you'll take care of Elliott, he has no family near with Martha in America and Gina… I don't want him to have to deal with this on his own." I explained, thinking of the surgeon whom I'm grown to love over the last few years.

"Jac, you can't do that, please, there are so many things they can do for you. You can't do this!" Panicked Connie.

"I'm sorry, but I can't carry on like this! Goodbye Con." I said calmly, before hanging up and crumbling to the floor in tears.

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**Please review x**


	8. Chapter 8: Not long enough at all

_**I knew that it was important to include Joseph and I know its only a one sided conversation but I promise that there will be at least one more chapter with Jac and Joseph... Please review x**_

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Chapter 7: Not long enough at all

I sat on the floor, leaning on one of the staffroom cupboards, cradling my knees. Tears ran down my cheeks as I stared into thin air, my mind going over my previous conversation. The uncomfort in my head was becoming increasingly unbearable and the thoughts that were cirlcing my mind weren't helping with that in the slightest. I shook with pain, both physical and emotional, thinking back on things now I realise that there were more people who cared than I have ever given myself credit for.

Although I'd miss them, this was what I had to do. But if I wanted to die the way I wanted then I had one more goodbye to say.

So, picking myself up from the mess on the floor, I got out my mobile and made the last phone call I'd ever make. Listening to the countless rings, I realised that it would go to answer phone.

"You've reached Joseph Byrne, I apoligise for not be able to answer the phone at present but I shall be sure to get back to you as soon as I possibly can, so please leave me a message." I smiled at his posh answer phone message, he was still the same old Joseph.

"Joseph, its Jac." I began, my voice shaking slightly. "I know its been a long time since we've spoken and the fact that you haven't answerred is a relief because I don't know how I'd be able to tell you this. I've got a brain tumour and I don't have much time left. I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear because you've put me behind you and you've moved on and so have I, I'm married and I'm happy but that doesn't mean that I don't still miss you. I needed to let you know how I felt before it was too late. I do still love you and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of what I missed out on and what we could have had. I don't regret my decision anymore but I do wish that we'd had more time together. You may not have realised but I did actually love Harry, those days we spent together were among the happiest few of my life, running around with you in the snow, the two of us cuddling up together on the sofa with Harry, rocking him to sleep with a bottle of milk. He may not have been mine but he was the closest thing I had to a son and I wouldn't have missed that for a world, no matter how painful it was when you left me. I can't have kids of my own so that really is the only chance I ever had like a mum, to protect him and love him. And Joe, I do still love you, but not in the same way, the gap you left was filled some time later by Jonny, my husband and he's shown me that my life is just as good, if not better without you. And that's not because he's better than you, its because things would have never worked between us. I cheated on him when I found out you were getting married and that was the biggest most painful mistake of my life. I hurt him so much when I left him just over two years ago and now that we're a proper family, I have to leave him again. I want you to come to my funeral, I want you to say goodbye, but remember that its his last chance to say goodbye too. And I know I need to say goodbye soon but its too difficult. I need you to know that by the time you listen to this message, I won't be here anymore. And I'm sorry, I really am. So goodbye Joseph, I'll miss you." And then a put the phone down.

I lay on the floor, tears pouring down my face and I shook.

We never had long enough...

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